Twenty Years Ago

Exactly twenty years ago today I was 9 months pregnant but I looked 15 months pregnant. I was twenty years old, had been married for only five and a half months and was impatiently awaiting the arrival of my son. Because he seemed so happy and content in there (I mean, I was feeding him McDonald’s Big Macs on a weekly basis - that was my go to) I was pretty sure I would be taking him to his first day of Kindergarten in the womb.  But on the morning on October 5th, the doctor told me to come in to be induced if he hadn’t come by then.  So here I am reflecting on two decades of memories.

Without getting too personal (I don’t think Landon would appreciate the world wide web knowing his entire life thus far - but let’s be real, maybe a total of five people read my blogs and those people know all the personal details anyways) I thought I would get my thoughts down as I beam with pride with the adult that Landon has become. 

It hasn’t always been easy.  I became a single mom when he was 6-ish and it was just him and I for a long time.  Now, I had the help of an amazing village of friends and family.  My dear, sweet best friend, Julie (who passed away unexpectedly in 2019 which was a devastating loss not only in my life but for the Beaufort, South Carolina community) was a huge help in my raising Landon when we lived in South Carolina.  When we moved to North Carolina we were closer to my parents and while no amount of distance that existed between us was ever a factor - they were always there to help and took full advantage of us living closer.  I mean Landon was their only grandchild… I am sure you can infer that he was well-loved and supported.  And I’m not saying Landon’s father wasn’t a part of his life after our divorce.  Actually, him and I remained really great friends after the divorce and co-parented extremely well.  But once he met his now wife, he wasn’t allowed to have that relationship with me anymore and he started seeing Landon less and less.  It bothered me back in the day but after a few years of that silliness I realized that it was them who was missing out on a relationship with a really cool kid and that is something they will have to live with the rest of their lives.

In two-days time Landon will turn 20.  Where in the world did the time go?  I look back now at some of the hard times him and I had that I thought would last forever and in reality it was only a small - incredibly small - part of our last twenty years.  Being a single parent was not easy and I was pretty sure I was screwing things up most times.  But I look at where we are right now and I think - damn - how did I get so lucky?  In the past I might have said it was all luck that Landon turned out to be a smart, unique and responsible individual but I do deserve a lot of the credit.  I was a tough parent.  I had high expectations (still do) and I didn’t accept failure without giving every ounce of effort first.  Grades, school, responsibility and character were always the priority in any decision I made when it came to Landon.  But at the same time - I treated Landon like an adult at an early age.  I was always honest with him.  When he was young and I was on assistance programs and Landon would ask for something that cost too much money, I would explain to him that I didn’t have the money and that I couldn’t afford it.  Some would say “you shouldn’t put that burden on a child” but I wouldn’t call it a burden.  I just wasn’t letting Landon live in a fantasy world where everything he wanted he got.  And let me tell you - I have seen ungrateful kids turn into ungrateful adults and am so thankful I raised Landon the way I did.  Because now - now is the easy part.

I definitely don’t think Landon would call me his best friend but I do believe we are friends.  Landon has entered his sophomore year in college and is doing amazing - just like freshman year.  Landon has an incredible group of friends and is embarking on a life of his own but still texts to let me know things like what he’s up to, where he’s going, asks me questions, tell me he loves me, and sends random pictures.  We are friends on social media and while I don’t get a lot of what he posts, we have a mutual respect for each other and we communicate via likes, hearts and direct messages through Instagram.  Simply put, I do not worry about him (obviously as a parent I will always worry but there is no doubt in my mind on whether or not he will succeed or get side tracked by negative influences).  These are the things that make me so incredibly proud of who Landon has become.  So here’s to (almost) twenty years of being Landon’s mom.  As a parent you worry whether your kid is going to end up living in your basement or needing your financial support for the rest of their lives.  I don’t have that worry.  But should an unfortunate circumstance happen and Landon would need my help - there isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for him because he’s doing everything and more of what I would have ever expected from him as a young adult.  And as a parent, there isn’t much more you can ask of your children.  

Happy (early) 20th Birthday, Landon.  I am so proud of you!  ~mom