A New Years Promise

New Years resolutions are so 1999.  And let’s face it - how many of us have made resolutions in the past that didn’t last longer than a few weeks?  But year after year we continue to make these so-called resolutions and don’t so much as bat an eye when we give up.  Then over time, this yearly ritual has become a routine game which in turn created a habit of us being OK (more like it being normal behavior) with not following through on our commitments or goals.  And as adults when we engage in this behavior yes after year we are teaching our kids, or anyone who look up to us, that it is completely acceptable to say one thing and then do another.   

A recent survey by the University of Scranton found that only 8 percent of adults manage to achieve their goals; that's a staggering 92 percent failure rate.  We are a society that has come to accept failure.  How depressing.  

Setting — and accomplishing — goals is important as they help to guide our decisions and motivate us to become the best versions of ourselves.  So how do we change our mindset?  Clearly making a “resolution” and announcing it to the world, whether in person or on social media, doesn’t work. While there isn't a single definitive statistic on the exact percentage of people who want others to succeed in their goals, most research and social psychology would suggest that a large majority of people generally do want others to succeed; however, in certain situations like intense competition or personal envy, some individuals might not want others to succeed.  In other words, don’t rely on your friends, social media or otherwise, to hold you accountable.  

With 2025 right around the corner and the sad reality that resolutions are made to be broken, I am going to try something new:  A New Years Promise.

While most people generally try to keep their promises, it's not guaranteed; however, research suggests that the majority of individuals do strive to fulfill their commitments, as keeping promises is often seen as a sign of personal integrity and reliability. Just think about it, if your spouse makes you a promise and they break it, how do you feel?  And vice versa - I am sure if you broke your promise to your kids or spouse you would feel some kind of guilt and do everything to make it up to them.  So why aren’t we making more promises to ourselves?  Especially if our personal integrity and reliability reputations are on the line.

So I present to you My New Years Promise.

One thing I am really good at is giving my everything in anything I do.  Like, it’s borderline unhealthy.  Especially when it comes to helping other people who tell me their goals or wants.  So this year, I am promising to set boundaries for myself and to stop giving my time and energy to people who aren’t willing to put in the work for themselves.  Let me explain.

I genuinely want other people to reach their goals no matter what those goals are.  I am even willing to help them reach these goals, offer advice, hold them accountable and be by their side.  Unfortunately, I have learned that just because people say they want something doesn’t mean they are willing to put in any work to get that something. And it leaves me frustrated when I seem to care more about them reaching their goals than they do.  I just assume most people are like me in the respect of when they say they are going to do something - they actually follow through with it.  And you know what they say when you assume…..

If people come to me for advice, I expect them to take the advice I give them.  It doesn’t have to be exactly what I told them but some variation that shows they are actually listening to that advice and trying to implement it.  This past year I realized I was more frustrated with other people than I care to admit.  Mainly because they said they wanted something, I worked with them, I supported them, I did everything I could sans ACTUALLY doing the work myself - and they let me down time and time again. Like a big slap in the face that says, “oh, I could care less about the time you’re investing in me because I don’t care about myself enough to invest anything.”  This literally hurts me to my core.  So why did I keep trying over and over again?  Was it because I was determined to help?  Was it because I refused to accept failure?  I honestly don’t know.  But this year - I promise to respect myself enough to not waste a single minute on anyone who takes advantage of what I have to offer them.  

Now that might sound harsh.  It’s the proverbial straw that broke the camels back.  This is time I could be spending with someone else who actually wants to make a change in their life - be it educational, nutritional, health-wise, etc. - so this year, THEY are my focus.  

Does this mean I will cut out these people from my life altogether?  Absolutely not.  But I will not repeat history.  I will not give one ounce of myself until they can show serious change.  I’m also a firm believer that sometimes you have to hit rock bottom in order to realize you need to make a change.  And by having helped these people in the past, I was there to listen to their excuses and keep them from hitting rock bottom.  This year, they are on their own.  Because it’s time for me to focus on people who want my help, advice, expertise, friendship, etc.

In 2025 I promise:

• To clearly define what level of assistance I am willing to provide and when to step back.

• To express that I’m not comfortable offering input unless they are committed to following through. 

• Before offering advice, try to gauge if the person is genuinely seeking guidance or just wants to talk through their problem. 

• To set firm boundaries and refraining from excessively supporting individuals who are unwilling to take active steps towards improving their own situations.

  
  

What promise are you going to make to yourself in 2025?